Sometimes, I suspect people of thinking that I'm wonderful. This is inconvenient.
The first reason it's inconvenient: I'm afraid they're then going to hate me because they're jealous. I don't want people to hate me, I want them to like me. I don't know if this actually happens, but I'm a little paranoid that it does. I don't know why or when this fear developed.
The second reason: because being thought wonderful leaves one with certain responsibilities. At least, I feel like it does, but maybe I'm secretly a dutiful person. Anyway, I feel like I ought to go out of my way to be nice to people so that they'll feel like they are cool enough for wonderful people to like them, which is difficult for me, because I'm not very good at reaching out to people, partly because I'm oblivious and partly because it scares me silly. I also feel like I have to be happy and positive (or brilliant or witty or charming or whatever it is people think I am) all the time around people who don't know me very well, lest I should disappoint their expectations, which is no good, because sometimes I'm miserable and crabby.
So I end up having all the disadvantages and responsibilities of being wonderful without any of the advantages, and that is an unjust situation, I daresay.
The moral of the story is: Thank goodness for my friends who know that if I'm wonderful it's mostly serendipitously.
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HAHA i found your blog! now you have a fan and you have to update it more frequently then you have been, you don't want to lose me do you?
ReplyDeleteNo, no I don't.
ReplyDeletei think mom has the same troubles you do. i used to too, (I had the duty-sense and everything) but now enough people have seen enough of my disadvantages that they are disabused of any such notion. except mom. but she's my mom, so she doesn't count.
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